Missing YOU

Head full of all sorts of worries and thoughts, a heart so anxious that its beats echo all over my body, eyes so blurry that all ahead is just coloured clouds filling the space around…
A heavy hand moves upwards, and on the way up it reaches for the aching stomach and troubled guts, but that’s not the point…still making its way up, and runs into the throbbing heart, shivering; there’s no use trying to bring peace there…there’s just no way to do it…instead, the heart just poured some deranged pulse into my hand, simply declaring that for now…this is all it can grant…
Leaving the heart behind, my hand moved further up until it came across my throat…where the pain is so severe that my hand jumped far beyond that, touching my head where the thoughts and worries lay helpless and disarrayed…there is that thought about the clouds ahead of me, and I remembered now…my hand was heading for my eyes…
As my hand moves slowly down for my eyes, a big red cloud starts to fill the whole space. It grows in my right eye turning black at the center and slightly red at the corner of my eye. Do I really want to do this?!! Should I wait until… I know You would… but no, I will do this, I want to see You coming… You will not be another coloured cloud moving closer, even if I would eventually figure You out… No… I WANT to see You coming… Your face, Your eyes, Your hands… the way You look at me as if You’re reaching for the deepest part of my soul… the way Your eyes say that they know and there’s nowhere to hide anymore… I want to see Me, because You are my one true mirror… You’ve become my existence that I so longed to find…
So here I go, I’ve made up my mind… and like many times before… I will take my tears in my hand, carry it to that desolate and barren heart of mine to make it live again… my last hope before I do that is to find room for some more tears yet left.